Maternity leave: most people would think “ahhh amazing, time off work, time to enjoy my new baby and time to do whatever I want”. Yes that is true, however I have found it slightly more difficult than I thought!
I left work slightly earlier than planned. Due to working within a 2 year old room, in a busy nursery, I was struggling with lifting children to change nappies, chasing after them in the garden and just the general day to day runnings of being a room leader and deputy manager! I had about 8 weeks until Penelope arrived, which was lovely as it was summer time, I could sit in the garden and not have to worry about a single thing! Since having Penelope it’s been dark mornings and dark nights, and to be honest I’ve found it a little hard! Nobody warns you how lonely you can feel when you first become a mum! You wouldn’t think it, but even though you have that little person with you 24/7, and are busy with visitors it can feel like the loneliest time ever!!
Also, from working 50hours a week, with other adults, lots of children, constantly talking to other people and earning money to then not working at all, not always having an adult to talk to and not earning as much money, it can be so hard to adjust to! I miss work a lot more than I thought I would, I miss the constant interaction with other people, I miss the challenges that the children brought to the day, and most of all I miss the money that I would receive every month (not a lot as let’s be honest, it was childcare)!!!
Penelope has just hit the 5 month mark, and only this weekend I had probably the hardest weekend! I felt so sad and just cried to my husband! He wondered what the hell was wrong with me obviously! And for once I could give him an answer!
I’d lost myself, I didn’t have a clue who I was, I felt like just a shell of the person I used to be! Now I’m just a wife and mum! I love being those things, but it just suddenly hit me, that’s all I am now!! I used to make an effort with my appearance, I used to go out and socialise and I used to have an identity! I felt like I’ve just lost all of that! So do you know what I did!?
I went to Tesco’s, bought some body scrub, fake tan and some new pjs!! I came home, had a long shower, washed my hair, shaved (because that’s been neglected), scrubbed my entire body, then I smothered fake tan everywhere! Personally I think life is better with a tan! And instantly I felt better! I felt more like myself, I had that ‘glow’ that to be honest I never had during pregnancy! I just needed some self love, and to me you can’t get any more loving then some new pjs!!!
I’m very lucky and I don’t actually have to go back to work, I will be helping Chris with his business, so I am so ready to get stuck into that! I’m the sort of person who needs something to work at, I need something to set as a task every day! Hopefully I will start enjoying my ‘time off’ when this bloody weather changes!!!
Basically, it’s okay to feel a little lonely, it’s okay to feel like you’ve lost who you are and it’s totally fine to slap on some fake tan and rock the ‘Oompa Loompa’ look!
LWP – LifewithPenelope